Kindergarten (A poem By: D.e.e.L)

trying to think of something unique to say
words that mix
and explain decay
kind of like that miserable way
you made my life
remember that day?
you were gone
months for school
i was home fucking up
didn’t have a clue
that i’d lose you
the second i saw you again
i missed you
and then i was dead
i fell away
started reading my notebooks
i thought “look
maybe somewhere in here i was happy
without her
nothing to fear”
and it clicked, it snapped, i felt it
i knew
it wasn’t you i needed it was me
i saw it
and it came through
the creativity
the sparks
the images
the words
so glorious
i was flipping pages of notebooks
from when i was ten
writing jokes and writing stories
using the only words i knew then
i scanned the lines and picked up more
i’ve been writing forever without you
there were composition books
loaded with stories
containing poorly drawn pictures
and the few words of my knowledge
i knew Zoo and Book and Boo and Look and Dan
and Hi and By and Bye
I wrote Cat and Nat and Hat and Eight
I could spell all the way to Thirty
Great. At least i knew something
that even before i could spell
the words to say it
that i knew how to feel
and eventually i’ll find it
that perfect mix of words
the unique ones that will send me
to the life i need
you’ll see me and wish
you didn’t leave
but i’ll be long gone
away in my own garden
so far
living that life i wrote about
in kindergarten

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