Hank and Dan Movie Reviews – Barfly

“This movie…it’s like I’ve been inspired.”

“Hank, are you okay?”

“Okay? What’s okay? Who’s to even say what okay means…I’m fine…I’m a bee buzzing for the queen. Scotch is my pollen. Water sits on the petals.”

“You’re not making any sense.”

“Everything makes sense now. Everything is everything.”

“That doesn’t make sense, Hank.”

“Don’t use ‘that’ in your writing, Dan. It’s bad for you.”

“Did the movie do this to you? You know that you’re not the same Hank as in Barfly…right? And besides, he goes by Henry in the movie.”

“But we’re so alike. I like that guy. I can see myself being him. Hand me a drink.”

“We’re not at a bar, Hank.”

“Then where are we?”

“Sitting in my chair.”

“Both of us?”

“Sort of. You’re in my head and I’m just writing a dialogue.”

“That’s so inspiring. I’m inspired.”

“Hank…drink this.”

“Is it scotch? I asked for scotch.”

“Yea, sure. Whatever.”

“This scotch taste like milk.”

“Trust me, it’s scotch.”

“This scotch is white like milk.”

“Just drink it.”

“I’ll drink it, but only because I’m thirsty. I need it. My mouth is so dry.”

“So, Hank, what did you think of the movie Barfly?”

“I already told you. It’s about me. I loved it. The script was written by that author you like.”

“Yes, it was written by Charles Bukowski.”

“You have all of his books all over the floor.”

“I have quite a few of them.”

“You need more of them. I need cookies.”


“To go with this milk. It’s too wet. I need something dry.”

“Your milk is too wet? Who even says that?”

“I take it you don’t have cookies. Alright, that’s okay. I’ll take some scotch.”

“Don’t have any scotch, Hank.”

“Well why not? We need it. I need it.”

“You’re not being a good influence right now, Hank. You’d better get your act together.”

“What for? I don’t need to get my act together to write.”

“You don’t write, Hank. I do.”

“But I’m in your head. How do you know it’s not me writing?”

“Hmmm, that is a good point.”

“Of course it’s a good point. I said it. It’s like that story you wrote. The Writer. The voices in his head wrote the story; they told him what to say.”

“This movie review isn’t the place for product placement, Hank.”

“But you’re the writer. This movie, it must’ve spoke to you. What did it say?”

“You mean ‘spoken’? And it was really good. I liked it. I like how he stuck to what he believed in, keeping writing his passion and knowing where he had to be in order to create his best work. Bukowski’s cameo was nice to see too. What would you rate this movie overall, Hank?”

“Rating? What do we need to rate it for? Just let it happen. Let the movie just exist without being judged. We’re always judging things. What if everyone judged you? Huh? Then what?”

“Why are you talking like the cowardly lion from the Wizard of Oz?”

“Who you calling a coward? Let’s go to the back and fight. I got this. I got you.”

“Hank, we can’t fight. It’s not possible. Ow, quit it! That hurts!”

“That’s what your imagination gets you, Dan. It’s your own fault.”

“Ow, cut it out. Just rate the movie already.”

“You do it. I’m too busy winning this fight.”

“Quit it, Hank. Fine, stop, 5 out of 5 bottles of multivitamins. Would you stop?”

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