Other stories to read along with this one – Rupert and the Pirates, Rupert and the Pirates #TWO, The Sniffer
Rupert and the Pirates #Thr33 – The 52nd Story in the #HankSaga by @Deeliopunk (@HankSaga)
“We’re going after him right?” said MC Frisbee Rockstar into the mirror as he was fixing his hair.
“Who are you talking to?” said a mysterious voice from one of the bathroom stalls.
“Oh, uh, didn’t realize someone else was in here. Sorry. I was just…thinking about a friend is all.”
“You’re Ruperts friend too?” said the mysterious voice from behind the stall door.
“Yes, all of us here at Blue Spaghetti’s are friends with Rupert. We all miss him very much. And those pirates have no right to take him from us!”
“I agree! Also, can you get a new roll of toilet paper? There’s some in the cupboard to the left of the sinks above the hand dryer that nobody actually uses because wiping your hands on the inside of your pockets works much better,” shouted the mysterious voice from behind the stall door.
“Sure,” replied MC Frisbee Rockstar. “Do you mind me asking who I’ve been talking to?”
“It’s me, Hank. Duh…these are my stories after all. Who else would it be?”
“It could have been anyone. Pishlemtickens, Chris, Dan, William, William, or William, maybe even Captain Pork…spoon…YOU’RE NOT HANK!”
“Ahahaha! That’s right!” shouted Captain Porkspoon as he kicked open the door. “There’s no way I’m going to let you land lovers get your paws on my dragon. Rupert belongs to me now, he’s always been mine! He’ll be mine for as long as I be sailing the less than eight seas.”
“You’re grammar could really use some work…” said MC Frisbee Rockstar as he handed the roll of toilet paper to the pirate.
“Arg, does this be the two-ply? I only be using the two-ply.”
“I think it’s just one.”
MC Frisbee Rockstar quickly ran out of the bathroom in order to assemble everyone outside of the door. They were going to capture Captain Porkspoon and force him to tell them where he was keeping Rupert.
“Everyone ready? He’ll be coming out any minute,” said MC Frisbee Rockstar to the group of people behind him.
“Isn’t this kind of rude? I mean…he might want his privacy,” said Cinta as she looked around at all the people standing outside the bathroom door.
“He sure is taking a long time,” said Hank as he checked his watch.
“What is that on your wrist?” asked Dan, “is that a salamander?”
“No, it’s my watch,” replied Hank.
“It’s a salamander.”
“Yes…yes it’s a salamander.”
“Someone should really hurry him up in there,” said DJ Rae Rae. “I know what to do. Excuse me, excuse me,” she said as he made her way to the door. “HEY! HEY YOU IN THERE! GET OUT! SOME OF US HAVE TO USE THE RESTROOM!”
But there was no response. It was peculiar indeed.
“This is indeed peculiar,” said the Sniffer as he tugged on his beard.
“Who are you?” asked Cinta.
“I’m the sniffer. Didn’t you read the dialogue tag just now?”
“I’m in the story. I can’t see the dialogue tags…”
“Really? I can see them just fine, Cinta.”
Not wanting to wait any longer MC Frisbee Rockstar opened the door back up to the restroom and went inside along with everyone else.
“He’s…gone,” said MC Frisbee Rockstar as he put his hand in his hair the way people do when they’re bewildered about something and want to look all dramatic, “he was just here a minute ago I swear.”
“Pirate magic,” said the Sniffer as he took a look around.
“Pirates can do magic?” asked Hank.
“I don’t know, just seemed like a cool thing to say,” replied the Sniffer.
“Hey, Sniffer, do you think you could help us find Rupert by sniffing him out? He’s most likely gone to Pirate Island,” asked MC Frisbee Rockstar.
“Do you have something of his so that I can get his scent? I was introduced in last week’s story, so I haven’t actually met Rupert yet.”
“Hank, do you have something of Ruperts?”
Hank put his hands into his pockets in an effort to find something of Rupert’s – since that’s what MC Frisbee Rockstar just asked him to find like two seconds ago. Weren’t you reading? Did you really not just hear him ask for something of Rupert’s? Wow, we really need to work on your reading comprehension skills.
“This narrator is being awfully judgmental. And why is this story in past tense when all the other one’s for this storyline have been in present? Does that mean we’ve found Rupert already? Tell us narrator!” shouted Pishlemtickens.
“I can’t tell you things that haven’t happened in the story yet,” I replied in an effort to calm the situation. “Don’t worry though, I’m sure it all works out in the end. I mean, unless of course the storyline doesn’t get finished this week and there ends up being a Rupert and the Pirates #4our. See what I did there with the word ‘four’? Pretty clever right?”
“I found something!” shouted Hank as he placed the giant tooth onto the bathroom floor.
“How’d you fit that in your pocket?”
“Remember the other day when you asked me ‘is that a giant tooth in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?’ Yeah well, it was a giant tooth in my pocket.”
“Riiiiight. So, Sniffer, do you think you can get Rupert’s scent off this tooth and help us reach our friend Rupert?” asked MC Frisbee Rockstar.
“I can certainly try,” replied the Sniffer as he bent down to smell the tooth, “maybe we should go into a different room for me to smell this.”
“Good idea,” replied Hank as he walked out of the restroom still emptying his pockets of all sorts of crazy things that shouldn’t be able to fit into pockets.
- Several Minutes and/or Days Later –
“We’ve made it!”
“We sure did! Lucky for us that pirate left his ship outside the building in Rupert and the Pirates #TWO.”
“Silly pirates, ships are for kids.”
“It’s from…nevermind. Hey what’s that sign say?”
“Can you not read or something?”
“Anyone else notice there’s no dialogue tags? Did we lose our narrator?”
“Yeah I think Hank chucked him overboard a few miles back.”
“Hmmm, well that’s no good. We’re going to have to get a new narrator before we can finish this storyline.”
Wait a minute. What is this? We didn’t even see Rupert in this story! How is this the third story in the Rupert and the Pirates storyline if we didn’t even see Rupert? This story would have been better off being called The Sniffer #2! This is an outrage! I won’t stand for it! Hey, what are you doing? Stop that! Fine i’ll leave! But i’ll be back next week!
By Dan Leicht (D.e.e.L) December 14th, 2014
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