Other stories to read along with this one – Rupert and the Pirates, Rupert and the Pirates #TWO, The Sniffer, Rupert and the Pirates #Thr33
View of the Ocean – The 53rd Story in The #HankSaga By @Deeliopunk @HankSaga
I’ve been drifting at sea for days just narrating what I see. Blue, blue, more blue. I’ve mostly just been saying the word blue over and over again. You see, I’m the narrator from the last #HankSaga story (Dan makes me “hashtag” #HankSaga now in hopes the internet finds it more appealing). Hank threw me overboard when I followed him into the restroom to narrate. It’s my job! But apparently that wasn’t the right decision and I was thrown overboard, which is weird because I don’t think he was even the captain. I mean, could he even be captain? Wouldn’t he just like, crash the ship into something? He seemed pretty intense the first few stories of the #HankSaga, but lately I don’t know man. He’s just gotten way crazier. And have you read those movie reviews? What the heck is going on there? They reviewed one movie last week and included the trailer to another movie in the review! What? What is that?
Oh yeah, should probably do a paragraph break right about now as to break up the story a bit. So uhhh, yeah, that’s what my life has been since last week. A whole lot of blue and wet sea as I try to stay afloat. A lot harder than you think, unless you think it’s easy…which in that case you are incorrect because it’s extremely difficult.
Wondering if they’ll be coming back for me any time sooooon…could really use a beverage not full of salt. Where’s this salt come from anyway? Guess I could look it up on the internet or in a book or something, hahaha, just kidding. Nobody reads anymore. Oh wait, I hope people still read. Because if no one reads then no one is reading this right now and I’m basically just narrating to myself. Who does that? Pssh, not me of course, since you’re all reading this. Right? Just, just raise your hand if you’re reading this. Oh who am I kidding I can’t see you out there. Or can I? By the way we all know those aren’t your real eyelashes and you’re not fooling anyone. Don’t look at me like that. If I didn’t say it someone else would have, and guess what, they might not have been as nice about it.
Is that? I think I see the ship! This is exciting! Oh man I’ve been waiting for this day for a whole week! Wow, it’s sure taking a while to get here. Wait, it’s not moving at all. Is that the dock? Wow, hmm…guess he didn’t throw me off the ship that far from the island…maybe I should have turned around a lot sooner. My arms sure are tired. I thought staring into the same direction was the way to go, but apparently turning around and taking a look at every direction is the way to better assess the situation. Seems like a good metaphor for life. I’m going to live my life like that from now on.
“Narrator! What are you doing over there?” shouts Nina.
Oh I got to narrate a dialogue tag again! I’ve missed that so much!
“I’m just hanging out! I’ll be back shortly!” I reply with a painful wave from my arm that’s been treading water for an entire week and looks less like a prune and more like a plastic bag wrapped around a piece of celery, but it’s not one of those premium bags they put your groceries in, no, it’s the type of bags you pull from the spool with the twist-ties on it. You know what I’m talking about? Those super thin bags that make it look like whatever you place into them will just break out and fall to the floor. Great celery though, great celery, keep it up grocery people. We appreciate what you do for us.
“Narrator! We need your help to get Rupert! Come on!” shouts Nina from the shore.
“Coming!” I say as I start to swim over.
“Look what you did narrator!” she says as I make my way onto shore.
“Look at all those words you already said! We’re going to have to wait until next week to save Rupert!”
“What? Why? Why can’t we just save him now?”
“Well…I didn’t want to say it…but…”
“But what? Just tell me!”
“Your arms look like thin plastic bags wrapped around pieces of celery.”
Wait a minute. Thaaaaaat’s where the narrator has been all week? How’d we just find him at the end of the story?! This story doesn’t even make any sense! Is the narrator one of the characters now? Is this our new permanent narrator? He’s a idiot! He spent a whole week looking in the same direction! Who does that? I’m done…get me out of here. I’ll be in my trailer.
By Dan Leicht (D.e.e.L) December 22nd 2014
Follow Dan on Twitter @Deeliopunk
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Check out all the Hank Sagastories so far! And find some of your favorites available to read on Wattpad!
And be sure to take a look at the Hank and Dan’s Movie Reviews!
You scrolled all the way to the very end again! That’s it. This time you’re reward will be even better! I mean, I guess it all really depends on your definition of “reward”, but anyway, here’s the link and full cover image to the newest Charles Splints story!