Other stories to read along with this one – Rupert and the Pirates, Rupert and the Pirates #TWO, The Sniffer,Rupert and the Pirates #Thr33, View of the Ocean
Rupert and the Pirates #4our – The 54th Story in the #HankSaga – By @Deeliopunk @HankSaga …and now @CharlesSplints! Oh wait…not @CharlesSplints? But he’s also a character by Dan, okay, okay, I understand. Yeah this is just by @Deeliopunk and @HankSaga
“Narrator. Come on! It’s been a week! Get out of the water already!”
If I was narrating that I certainly wouldn’t have used so many exclamation points. You seem far too excited and I don’t think I want to get out of the water anymore. Although, I have been in here quite a while and am getting pretty raisin-like. Is that a proper way to describe myself? Raisin-like? It sounds pretty good and it’s also how I describe old people, they’re all so raisin-like, someday I’ll be all raisin-like when I shout at kids from my porch, dumb kids hovering around with their hover shoes while I’m in my rickety old rocking chair from the 40’s that I fixed up while in my 50’s as to “preserve the past” even though it’s become completely irrelevant to the changing world. I’m in a recliner chair right now drinking tea, not too far off from fixing that chair and still half way to 50. Time flies though, or at least that’s what the wizard says that visits me at night.
“Narrator! What are you doing? Get out of the water!”
Oh yeah, I’m still in the water.
“Who were you even talking to out there?” asks Nina.
The audience that reads these stories…
“You mean, Cinta?”
No, no, Cinta is a character is these stories. She’s over there talking to MC Frisbee Rockstar.
“Whatever you say. And what were you doing back in the water? Didn’t you make it onto shore in last week’s story?”
Oh yeah, guess I forgot that when I started the story. So, anyway, where were we?
“We’re trying to find Rupert. Now stand back there and just follow us around and do the narration of what you see happening. Also feel free to make judgments on what we are all thinking based on our actions and facial expressions,” said Nina as she was trying not to be reminded of her pet gerbil from 4th grade that died in a motorcycle accident.
“Did you guys all hear that? It’s Rupert! He’s close by!” shouts MC Frisbee Rockstar.
Wow, well that sure is convenient.
Nina, MC Frisbee Rockstar, Hank, Cinta, Pishlemtickens, and Dan all run through the thick forest in front of us, I mean them, and discover a large luxury laminated resort on the other side.
“What’s that sign say? PIRATE’S PARADISE PORT RESORT, ha, that’s actually pretty clever.”
“Dan, look! Up at the top of that bell tower!”
“What’s a bell tower doing out here?”
“Rupert is the bell tower?”
“No, Rupert is trapped in the bell tower!”
Okay, sorry for the lack of dialogue tags there but I just saw the craziest thing. This ant was carrying this huge leaf! You should have seen it! I am so impressed right now I can’t even stand it. You know what? I’m going to take a seat, that’s what I’m going to do. Take a seat and rela…and we’re leaving.
“Davis Cucumber!” says Captain Porkspoon from his hotel room bed. “Get me the newspaper!”
But Davis Cucumber is staying in a different room and can’t hear him.
“Damn fool. I’ll get it myself! I’ll turn that yellow-livered scoundrel into Davis Pickle next time I see him,” scoffs the most wicked pirate of the less than eight seas. How can I hear what’s going on from way down here you ask? Good question.
“All right, so what’s the plan here?” asks Hank as he licks his licorice tail.
“Dude, cut that out, it’s creepy,” says MC Frisbee Rockstar while doing hand signals to signify something none of us have any clue to.
“We just have to go up there and get him,” says Cinta as she puts on her brass knuckles.
“There’s a bunch of pirates out there! There’s no way we’ll be able to get him out of there safely,” says Nina in a real unencouraging tone that really brings the whole vibe down. It’s a word…now.
“I have an idea. It’s never been attempted before, but I think it just might work,” says Hank as he stands up and looks like he’s about to do something totally epic. “HEY, RUPERT! COME ON DOWN FROM THERE! IT’S TIME TO GO HOME NOW!”
“What are you doing?! Get back here!” shouts Nina at Hank, but it’s too late. Hank is already flying around in the air shooting laser beams all over the place with that crazed look in his eyes. Kind of like the look he gets when he gets a new box of markers and is super excited to use them but doesn’t have any clean paper to use so he stares around the room all wild-eyed looking for a nice space on the wall to desecrate with his scented markers.
“Not true!” shouts Hank.
The pirates surprisingly don’t take kindly to Hank’s wild actions, or the rest of them all running around wilding, MC Frisbee Rockstar with his red Frisbee, Dan with his newly acquired lightning fists, Nina with her #2 pencil sword, and Cinta with her brass knuckles. The battle is huge, a whole bunch of crazy stuff happening. I’m not even sure what’s going on over there. I think it’s someone’s birthday. OH! I wouldn’t eat that cake. Gross, don’t do it, don’t do it, ooohhhhhh he did it, that’s going to leave a Larry.
Is it done? I think so. Looks like our friends did it. Oh wait, I spoke too soon…this isn’t good. It’s Captain Porkspoon and he’s holding up a key. He says the key is the only thing that can free Rupert. We’re all powerless to stop him now. Who’s that? Wow! Some guy just hit the Captain over the head with today’s newspaper.
“Here you all go,” says Davis Cucumber as he hands the key to Hank.
“Why…why have you helped us?” asks Hank as he accepts the key.
“This captain is a total dick. Serves him right.”
“You mean…a Moby Dick? Eh? Eh? You get it?”
“Just take the key and leave me alone,” says Davis Cucumber as he rolls his eyes.
“Yeah, will do. Thanks again.”
All right. That was better. Rupert wasn’t really in the story, but at least they finally saved him. What I want to know is why wasn’t I involved in the fight at all? I’m useful in a fight! I can do cool things too you know! Hey! Don’t walk away from me! GET BACK HERE!
By Dan Leicht (D.e.e.L) December 29th 2014
Follow Dan on Twitter @Deeliopunk
and Facebook Deeliopunk-Author
Now you can follow @HankSaga on Twitter!