Ever wonder how it all began? You have? Then why haven’t you clicked on this first story before? Mmhmm…yeah…okay…she did? I don’t believe it. Anyway, here it is, the first Hank Saga story EVER! It all started with a scar…or was it a van?
Nina’s Scar – #HankSaga Story #1
“Hey Nina how did you get that scar on your face?”
“I have no idea, but it makes me look badass doesn’t it?”
“I bet I know what happened.”
“And what’s that Dan?”
“Well…you were walking along right outside your apartment when a van rolled up playing songs from the 50’s. Now you can’t resist songs from that era, or taffy…so you got into the van.
Once in the van you realized all the passengers were mutant carpenters with wood for arms and tails made of licorice. So, while you were eating Eddy’s licorice tail you remembered you left your keys in the oven. Remembering this caused you to pull clay from your pocket and begin to make a monkey that looks like it was made out of cotton…but really isn’t.
While making the clay model, one of the carpenters gave himself a sliver on his ear when trying to pick out some wax to add to Eddy’s candle. Once the sliver tore his flesh he screamed out in pain, causing your monkey to look more like a poodle’s Uncle. Now I know you might be wondering why it was the Uncle of the poodle and not little Mr.Pickles himself, well…that’s nice that you are curious.
Once you finished the clay monkey-poodle Uncle you throw it at the drivers face. Hank (who was driving the van) spun out of control as the monkey-poodle Uncle plastered across his wooden cheek. He cried out “Pickled Lawpersons!”, and so Eddy opened the back of the van and prepared himself to throw out the problem within the van.
Eddy cracked his knuckles, sanded his fingers, and then grabbed Hank from the driver’s seat and threw him out of the back of the van. Without a driver the van drove itself and began to lift off the ground. Once in the air you looked out of the window and saw a seagull flying next to Hank-who was chasing the van.
“Quick Nina! Make another Monkey-poodle Uncle!” said Willy.
“Willy how do you know my name?” you asked.
“Voo-doo,” he replied as he handed you some taffy.
With the taffy you began creating a monkey that looks like it’s made out of cotton. As you were making it Hank was still outside the window. His eyes were a hideous awkward blue color that only weird people would have; he looked at you and waved, but then remembered that he was mad at you, so he reverse waved to take it back.
Once you finished the clay model you readied to throw it at Hank. He looked over to see you holding something that resembled a cow, then opened his mouth to fire a laser beam into the window. His aim was bad and missed you, but Willy lost his 2×4.
You pulled your arm back, looked at Hank in his horribly ugly blue eyes and threw the monkey-cotton-cow. You missed, so Hank shot another laser beam and blew up the engine of the van, but the van was running off the power of friendship, and Eddy still considered you his best friend, until you told him his shirt was tacky, so the van fell and smashed into the ground.
The explosion was horrible, completely un-survivable, but you all made it out alive. Oh, Hank died of a kamikaze seagull right after you insulted Eddy.
“Wha…what happened?” you said.
“Shut up,” said Eddy as he ripped up his BFF certificate that he had made out of uncooked cardboard. Right after ripping his certificate he threw one of the pieces of it at your face. It cut you horribly; the loss of blood was uncanny. Willy walked away because he had a doctor’s appointment. Eddy felt bad and gave you the scar gel he uses on his toast.
You used the scar gel…
…then came to work the next day.
You are so brave…
By Dan Leicht (D.e.e.L) Jan. 30, 2015
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Find the original Nina’s Scar post HERE (originally posted on my tumblr)
Wait…Hank writes POETRY?
The #HankSaga and all characters are creations of@Deeliopunk