Taylor’s Card – The 6th story in The #HankSaga by @Deeliopunk / @HankSaga
“HI TAYLOR!!!!!! HOW WAS SCHOOL?!?!!!!”
“Not now Daniel-son, I’m not feeling too great…”
“Why is that?”
“Well…I got this new shirt and it has a pocket on the front of it.”
“Oh cool, looks like it could fit a whole envelope in there!”
“That’s exactly why I got the shirt…it’s just…someone stole the envelope I was going to put in this pocket.”
“What?! That’s terrible!!”
“Yes, I know. Blue Spaghetti himself gave the envelope to me. It was for my birthday, I presume a card was inside.”
“I’ve heard such envelopes are quite rare.”
“Yes…now I just have a useless pocket and no idea where the envelope is…”
“Well…if I put on this fancy hat that says “Blue Spaghetti’s Nook Home” on it, and I punch in really quick…I can get on the case!”
“Oh thank you Daniel-son!”
“No problem…as long as I’m clocked in…yup…okay…no problem at all. I’m going to go check for clues, I’ll be back shortly!”
Please listen to the following music while Dan is out finding clues – “Dooo weee ooo wop bop ooo wee op….doooo eeee eeee wop wop boo bee bop….beeeeeeeeeeee do do do do do dooooo bop do do deeeeeee….booo beee bop bop boo doooooo…..BAM!…bop bop bop bop bop bop boo dop”
“I’m back! And I’ve found some clues!”
“What did you find?”
“Well…from what I’ve seen I can tell the culprit in question of what you are questioning within this circumstance we are currently in, and I say ‘we’ because I am currently clocked in within this moment of current standing while we wonder about the case of the envelope and the card that is the reason we are most unwilling standing here in question that the culprit is someone that indeed works right here at Blue Spaghetti’s…right here…and sometimes possibly over there, and they may or may not stand there sometime’s as well.
My first clue came when I first found something that I considered a clue. It was a green neck-tie, except it wasn’t green at all…it was orange, so I wrote this down in my note-pad, right here, do you see it? It has a cute bunny on it, I call him Mr. Wiggles because his tail looks so wiggly with all that fluffy stuff…wiggle wiggle wiggle…but anyway, I wrote it down. Once I finished writing is when I found my next clue, I looked down at this notepad and realized that I had written something, it was about a green neck-tie that was actually orange, so I wrote it down right under it. With these two clues locked into my note-pad I knew this case was coming to an end, but then something suddenly happened! I was sucked into the vacuum cleaner that was plugged into the wall right next to the other wall that I was standing in front of…I was sucked into a world that happened just the other day…a world of speaking in past tense even though it was at that point in the present maybe. Nobody could see me in this world, but I couldn’t see nobody.
Some guy wearing a green-tie that was actually orange came walking into work. Did he actually work here? I wasn’t sure…I only work mornings…I have a life. I watched him clock in by punching numbers into a touch screen; I wanted to yell out “Hey it’s just a touch screen! No need to be so rough!” but I didn’t yell it…because nobody could see me…I was hiding under the table where people roll the silverware.
In the room next door to the room I was in there was another room next door to that room. In that room is where your party was taking place. I could hear the music by boy bands and little boys with terrible haircuts loudly through the door, I was wishing I could tell you to turn it down…but I was invisible.
The man in the green-tie that was actually orange went over to the room of your party and peaked in to see what was going on with the party he was peeking in on. Everybody was dancing, your sister was busting-a-move and doing the “Worm”. He straightened up his green-tie that was actually orange and readied himself to turn around and start preparing himself for work. He sat down and started to slowly roll silverware, as if plotting something…a card theft? I wasn’t sure yet, but I wasn’t even sure of anything at this point, I was invisible.
He rolled up some rolled up rolls and got up to do things that require standing, he walked back into the kitchen, which I found as the perfect time to grab…the “Pickle-Wand”.
With the wand in hand I turned a bunch of the silverware into pickles and began eating, being invisible is very exhausting if you didn’t know. Once my tummy was done rum shaking I stood up and put a small glass on top of my head and began to walk sideways in order to stay invisible. People walking by me just saw bulking muscles and a floating cup, they weren’t sure of what they were sure of anymore, so they didn’t pay any money to my attention.
I decided it best to keep moving about the restaurant, but with my feet this time. There was Maria standing there complaining about how a story that had nothing to do with her except have the same name as her on the cover hasn’t come out yet, Nina stood laughing because she had already had a sequel (Nina’s Scar and Ninja Nina, you should totally check them out!!), I walked by both of them and into “The Coughing Room”. I left quickly because everyone had hot foreheads because of their colds, once out of “The Coughing Room” I was no longer in “The Coughing Room”, so I stood there while not being in “The Coughing Room” and pondered to myself…why do we have a “The Coughing Room”?
The man in the green-tie that was actually orange came out of the kitchen, he was itching his neck quite more I considered necessary…so I invisibly walked over to him…and ripped his face off!
Hank stood looking at me as I was looking at him and as we were both looking I noticed him looking at me as I was looking at his green-tie that was actually orange.
“Sooo…how’s the face?”
“Not bad…heard you got a bruise…”
“Yup…invisible car rear-view mirror…”
“Yea…so uhh…how can you see me?”
“You set the cup down.”
“Curses…I did didn’t I…”
After that subtle reminder I picked up the cup once more and placed it on my head, that is on top of my neck, that is connected to my body…no perverted thoughts here people…it’s just a regular cup. Hank looked around as I instantly vanished into the smelly air. He straightened his green-tie that was actually orange and put on his mask again that made him look like the unsuspecting worker everyone says they trust until his back is turned which then causes everyone to accuse him for good reason because he ends up putting a cup on his head and walking into the party, slipping his hands into the box of envelopes, and removes the blue envelope covered in spaghetti. I would have stopped him, but I was eating pickles, plus I was in a vacuum world, so like…it wouldn’t have made a difference…or would it have? It probably wouldn’t have.
He walked out of the room with the envelope in hand, I was beginning to get sucked back into the vacuum, I saw what I saw when I saw it. Nina came running over as Hank took off his mask, she left at him to try and knock the spaghetti covered blue envelope from his hands, she missed and Hank grabbed the toaster that sits on the shelf all the time but nobody uses and trapped Nina inside! I couldn’t help because I was being sucked into a vacuum and eating pickles. I saw Hank shove four pieces of bread into the toaster to ensure she was locked inside for good! Then Maria came over with her Gluten-Blaster 5,000 and launched a wad of gluten covered gluten into Hank’s face…he was glutenized. She walked over and picked up the envelope, she didn’t know where Hank had gotten it from, though it was pretty obvious. She opened the envelope and was sucked inside after a few minutes of peering into envelope.
Hank woke up from his gluten educed four-minute coma just as my face was vanishing into the vacuum cleaner. I saw him pick up the envelope and place it into a pocket on his shirt that was just the right size…for muuuuuuurder…but he used it for an envelope with a card and Maria trapped inside it.”
“Sooo…Hank has my card?”
“Yup, sure does.”
“And Hank is….?”
“A carpenter with wooden arms and hands and a licorice tail who is looking to punish those that know Nina…duh…she blew up his car by telling her BFF Eddy that his shirt was tacky…power of friendship….don’t you read my stories each week?”
“I’m not getting my card back am I…”
“Perhaps in another story…perhaps…in another story….”
“Dooooooo doooooo doooo weeeeeeeeee op bop balooooooo weeeeeeee
Boooo weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bop bop baloooooooo weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Pickles are in my pop bop balooooooo eeeeeeeeeeeeeee, and they are making it taste all chopped up and cheeeeeeeey, bop bop balooooooooo
By Dan Leicht (D.e.e.L) March, 13, 2015
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Find the original Taylor’s Card post HERE (originally posted on tumblr)
Wait…Hank writes POETRY?
The #HankSaga and all characters are creations of @Deeliopunk