#ClassicHankSaga Friday! Dan’s Five Bucks – Story #11 in The #HankSaga – #FridayReads

Dan’s Five Bucks – Story #11 in the Hank Saga- By: D.e.e.L

“Hey, MC Frisbee Rockstar!”

“Uhh..hi, Dan. What’s up, holmes?”

“Wait, what? Did you just call me a detective?”

“Yea, you’re still looking for Taylor’s card right?”

“No, it’s lost to the world of the past within a vacuum cleaner.”

“Or is it in the envelope?”

“No, nothing is in there, except left and rights, and what’s her name.”

“What about the toaster?”

“No, Nina is in there though, being all old and stuff.”

“I bet if someone was reading this dialogue that hasn’t read your other ten stories that they would be very lost as to what we are referring to.”

“Yea, and I also don’t know what number story comes after this one.”

“That’s going to be a tough one. It will just be eleven plus one though, right?”


“Eleven plus one.”

“What is that?”

“I don’t know twelve, so, I don’t know.”

“Same, Watson.”

“So, anyway, why are we talking?”

“Oh, I just needed to waste time. Hank is bringing my five bucks, should be here any minute now, or second, could take an hour.”

“I see.”

“Well, that’s good, seeing is fun, I do enjoy a good visual.”

“I concur.”

“Don’t say that, just say agree, we’re not pretending to be scholarly snobs here, just people living in this empty reality known as ‘awake time’.”

“Makes sense.”

“Wait, I’m making sense? Damn, I’m not doing this story right then.”

“Hey, Dan! I got your five bucks!”

“I got to go, it was nice wasting time with you, very informative.”

“How was it informative?”

“I learned you have sweaty arm pits.”

“Hey, Dan!”

“I’ll be there! Got to go, try using better stuff, maybe that aerosol spray, good smelling pits is way more important than a stupid ozone layer.”


Dan walks out of Blue Spaghetti’s and into the parking lot where Hank is parked with his new van, that he obtained in a story, and is paying for with Nina’s second trip money.

“Here’s your five bucks.”

“What are their names?”

“I’ve just been calling them all William.”

“That works, I’ll call that one Williamette though, looks like a Williamette to me.”

“Whatever keeps your boat from sinking.”

“What? That…that isn’t how the expression goes.”

“I changed it, made it seem cooler, hip.”

“You’re…you’re a loser though…so…so it doesn’t work.”

“Well, that wasn’t very nice.”

“Yea, I know. Williamette! Where are you going?!”

“Did Williamette just steal my van?”

“Williamette is trying to!”

“Should we stop Williamette?”

“Yes! Of course we should stop Williamette!”

“I’m trying to stop Williamette!”

“Me too! I am also trying to stop Williamette from taking your new van!”

“Williamette is gone, with my new van.”

“I didn’t see that coming, especially from Williamette…”

“William! What are you doing to William?”

“I think he’s putting deodorant on William’s pits.”

“Good thinking, William, good smelling pits is very important, much more important that the stupid ozone layer.”

“I know right? But, anyway, we should probably chase after your van, that is being driven by an animal that doesn’t have hands.”

“I don’t have hands either.”

“You got wooden hands, that counts, stop trying to make this a pity party for you.”

“But, it is…my van was just stolen by a…by a….”


“Where are the Williams?”

“I don’t know. All I see is this super huge buck that looks as if four bucks named William somehow combined and created a huge monster.”

“Should we stop it?”

“You’re the one with laser beams.”

“You have huge muscles though.”

“This is true. Let’s fight together.”

“Super laser-muscle action!”

“Don’t call it that.”

“Why not?”

“Because…just…just don’t do that…you’re not cool, remember?”


“Ugh. Alright let’s fight.”

“Should we say everything in which we are doing to fight this creature?”

“Yes, say it out loud.”

“I am running towards it! I dodge a massive hoof that slams to the ground right next to me, I slide to the left of his leg, back flip myself up from the ground and deliver laser beams from my mouth that hits the creature in the back and sends it falling to the ground in pain.”

“Hank, shut up. You haven’t moved.”

“Oh, we actually have to fight this?”

“Uh, yea.”

“Watch out!”

“You pushed me out of the way, and took the hit from the hoof of the giant creature that looks as if made of four bucks named William.”



“Now I finally have you right where I kind of wish you were standing.”

“Hank, you…you are combining with the creature? Why?”

“This was all in my plan!”

“Even Williamette stealing your van?”

“Well, no, I’m actually kind of pissed about that. But, I will finally get my revenge on you from throwing that rock at me, and finding out I stole the envelope, and making me listen to you ramble on about toasters and envelopes, and giving me wooden arms and hands, and having a story where Nina cuts off half of my tail…”

“Alright, I get it, now shut up and get ready…for Teddy!”


“I named my right fist teddy. Like a teddy bear, because it’s funny, because a fist isn’t cuddly at all, it’s actually pretty much the opposite of that, like, completely.”

“That’s pretty clever.”

“I’m a pretty guy.”

“Wait, what?”

“Nothing, I said nothing. Now get ready for Teddy!”

The face of Hank now is the face of the creature that looks like it is made up of four bucks named William and a man with wooden hands and half a licorice tail. Laser beams spit from the mouth of the Hanilliamk and explode upon the ground around Dan as he uses his amazing dance moves to groove to the beat and out of the way. The Hanilliamk gets frustrated, takes a seat and tries to write some poetry, Dan uses this time for a chance to take some time to do something in which can be done within this time being taken by Hanilliamk to write some poetry.

“Alright, I got a good one.”

“Let’s hear it then.”

“Roses are pickles, my wallet is green, candy is tasty, my life is a Queen.”

“What? Your life is a woman of royalty? And what rose is a pickle?”

“They’re both metaphors…”

“For what? The nonsense that is the life of a man with a licorice tail?”

“You’re not being very supportive.”

“I’m critiquing you, that poem was awful.”

“There is no such thing as a bad poem, it’s all about how it’s interpreted.”

“You said Roses are pickles, your wallet is a green wallet that is actually orange, candy is bad for you, your life lacks a van…again.”

“You write a better one then!”

“Transparent is a mind that exists within the waking seconds of this world, this world we walk, this world that holds us back from our dreams, each second passes by opportunities, each second we tell ourselves we are trying, each moment of time we spend lying to ourselves, we tell others that we are doing well, well is just a word, well is a hole in the ground that we throw one cented dreams into, this transparent world, this clear mind, this transparent world in which we live, dreams are lost forever to those not willing to throw it all into the well.”

“Pshh…psshhh…PSSSHHHHHH…damn…that was good.”

Dan jumps up onto the roof of Blue Spaghetti’s and launches Teddy into the face of Hanilliamk, which sends Hanilliamk crashing down to the ground.

“What, what was that for man?”

“You were just shooting lasers at me!”

“Yea, like ten minutes ago! That wasn’t cool, holmes.”

“Watson, shut up.”

The punch causes Hanilliamk to fall apart

All of the bucks scatter

William eats some hamburgers

William runs across the street to get some soap for   Williams pits

William sits and waits for William as William has left to watch a movie without William

Hank is sad again

Dan is now famous



By Dan Leicht (D.e.e.L) May, 1,  2015

Follow Dan on Twitter @Deeliopunk

and Facebook Deeliopunk-Author

Now you can follow @HankSaga on Twitter!

Find all 60+ #HankSaga stories

Hank and Dan Movie Reviews

Find the original Dan’s Five Bucks post HERE (originally posted on tumblr)

Wait…Hank writes POETRY?

The #HankSaga and all characters are creations of @Deeliopunk


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