Nina: The Big Story Ruiner (Story #13 in The #HankSaga)– By: @Deeliopunk / @HankSaga
You can also find this story on Wattpad!
“THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!”
“What are you talking about? The sign says ‘7 Items or less’.”
“Oh, that’s a 7? I always thought it was a 1, my bad.”
“Wait…Hank? Is that you?”
“Wuh?! Uhh…no…no its nooot…this is all juuust a dreeeaaaaammmm…”
“Trust me, if this was all a dream then there would be a lot less people here and a lot more yogurt…”
“But why not pudding?”
“Oh…there will be pudding…”
“Did you just wink at me?”
“You know it.”
Just as Dan was about to leave the convenience store a loud BANG was heard, and then he left the convenience store.
“Sorry about that everyone, sorry, registers don’t bounce, lesson learned.”
“This is your first day here at this place you are now working at instead of your old job right?”
“Maybe…depends who’s asking…”
“I’m your boss.”
“No! I’m your boss!”
Hank walks out the doors just freshly scented by Dan’s immaculate body odor. Just as he leaves a loud BOOM is heard.
“Gumball machine doesn’t bounce either…noted.”
Hank walks out into the world, a world waiting for him, waiting for him to do something amazing, possibly even extraordinary, like become an electrician or something.
“Wait, wait, wait, hooold up! I thought these stories started about me? Now Hank is like the main freakin’ character. This is crap!”
“Nina, did you just interrupt me while I’m writing? I was in the middle of making an epic Hank story. He was going to become an electrician and make an electrical sword out of light bulbs and duct tape, then go off and fight some huge Kiltigar in the forest of Unhappy Songs, buuut noooow you just made me say everythiiiing out loud….so that story is ruuuuuined…thanks a lot.”
“but…but….I just wanted to be in a story again….”
“Well congrats! You just made it into this one! Nina the big story ruiner! Waaaaay to gooooo…”
Nina walks away thinking about what she did. Time-out is for 30 minutes.
Dan sits back down in his upside down chair on the ceiling that is actually the floor because his entire house is made of walls.
Hank begins running, towards what is a mystery to even himself, but then he soon finds out and orders 2 scoops of vanilla with rainbow sprinkles.
“Hey, ice cream man!”
“Why are you yelling at me? I’m write in front of you?”
“Don’t you mean to say ‘right’?”
“Noooo…I’m writing right in front of you…”
“Nooo, my name is Lance.”
“Oh, okay then.”
“Well then, Laaaance….how does one become an ice cream man?”
“Six years of college and no degree.”
“Hmmm…interesting. How does one become an electrician?”
“Well that sounds easy enough!”
“Yea, it’s not hard.”
“Oh, of course….and the internet iiiiiiisssss….”
“Online, ha, ha, beat ya to it! Yea, soooo I get onliiiiine byyyyyy…”
“Using a comp…”
“A composition notebook! Got it! Thanks for all your help, Lance!”
Hank walks into the store he was just fired from and is kicked out before being able to buy a composition notebook, so instead…later that night…in his lab…he creates…with some cardboard…and lots of paper…A NOOOOOTEBOOOOOK MAAAAADE FROOOOM PAAAAARTS OF NOOOOTEBOOOOKS HEEEE ALREEEEAAAADY HAAAAAAD!!!!! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!”
“Alright, now time to get online, and then get a hold of that internet and apply for a new job as an electrician so that I can’t go destroying huge creatures because Nina ruined the story.”
Hank opens up his notebook and is instantly sucked into it. Upon opening his eyes that he had closed in order to blink he is able to see again. Numbers, letters, word, numbers, letters, inappropriate pictures; Hank had been sucked into…The Internet.
“Is that a Kiltigar!?!?!!!…oh wait…nope…it’s just a pic of one…in a Gibinki…HAAAAWT!”
Hank wanders around the endlessness that is the internet that most people use for only a few sites.
“Hey you there! Yes, you with the half of a licorice tail and wooden arms and hands!”
“Oh, thank you, but it’s not a hat it’s a…”
“Oh, no! Not me! Pick him! He’s got built in tooth picks! AAAAAAAA!!!!!”
Just as Hank was about to explain the mystery about what everyone has been wondering is on the top of his head the Kiltigar pic didn’t do anything! But the Ciltigar pic did! It Came To Life! The monster did…the actuuuaal monster, so it’s not like a giant picture is destroying the internet, it’s an actual monster.
“Nooooooooooooo! I didn’t even get a chaaance to seeend him a friend requeeeest…”
“Ugh, you just said that. You’re dialogue is booooooring.”
“Yea…yea that’s right…I said it.”
“ROAR RROAR ROOOOAR ROAR ROAR ROARRRR.”
“Don’t talk to me like that. Not so much because it’s boring, it’s just that I have no idea what you’re saying.”
Just as the Ciltigar is about to tickle Hank to death, Hank bends down on one knee and pulls a small case from his pocket. He looks deep into the giant beast’s eyes…whispers softly a poem to melt it’s heart…and then uses his miniature bazooka to blow it to pieces.
Everyone on the internet cheers for Hank! They yell his name without knowing it! They post about his heroics on the internet and the words hit him in the face with love! Then Hank leaves the internet.
“Hey, Hank…where ya been?”
“How’d you get out?”
“You don’t wanna know…”
“But, I just asked because…I kinda do…”
“Did you just wink at me?”
“Nope, that’s an eye twitch I picked up when the word ‘protagonist’ cracked me in the face on my way out of the internet.”
“And by way out you mean…”
“Did it hurt?”
“After the first few hours I couldn’t even feeeeel a thiiiing.”
By Dan Leicht (D.e.e.L) May, 8, 2015
Follow Dan on Twitter @Deeliopunk
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Find the original Nina: The Big Story Ruiner post HERE (originally posted on tumblr)
Wait…Hank writes POETRY?
The #HankSaga and all characters are creations of @Deeliopunk