Hank’s Steel Hourglass (The 14th Story in the Hank Saga) By: @Deeliopunk / @HankSaga
You can also find this story available to read on Wattpad!
“Well, that takes care of that then there.”
“Hey! Hey, Hank is that you!?”
“Oh no…it’s the DJ…wait no…it’s the Frisbee Rockstar…wait yes…”
“Oh, it’s just a talking camel.”
“A talking camel? I’m not a talking camel, it’s me! Remember me?”
“Oh, yes, yes of course, yoooou…how have yoooou been?”
“Quite. Well then. I must bid you farewell as I am afraid my lunch is freezing and I’d better go catch it.”
“Sounds toasty. What were you doing by that mailbox?”
“Sending Maria’s card to Rome…I mean…putting Taylor’s card in there…I mean…a smelly hat…I was fishing for stamps…green ones…”
“Salamanders! Did you see that?!”
“What? What? I was blinking what happened?!”
“A deer was driving a van, so very strange.”
Hank put his shoes back on that he had taken off while having to remove his shoes in order to be shoeless and ran after the van for about eleven and a half seconds before he realized there was no way he was going to be able to catch it unless he started to fly, so he did, but didn’t catch it.
“Well that’s the last time I take beauty tips from a camel.”
“Come all come one! Hey, Sir! You are but one! You must have no friends, please come into my store and spend your money on things to make you feel better.”
“I have friends…like two-hundred…I sign onto my notebook and hangout with all of them at once! But, I’ll buy something anyway, something to show all of my friends!”
Hank walks into the store and leaves his shoes outside, where within no seconds passing a camel wearing lipstick walks by and grabs them, before putting them back down inconveniently farther placed than they were previously.
“Damn, I’ll never find them now.”
“Sir, watch the step.”
Hank trips and smacks his face into the dirt floor of the store.
“Is this dirt?”
“No, it is dried mud. I usually water it on Tuesdays.”
“What’s that over there?”
“You have to point, Sir. I am not sure as to what you are alluding to.”
Hank begins to skip about through the dried mud and to the other end of the store, where he sees something with his eyes that allow him to visually see things in front of him that exist in the visual world in which everyone sees with their eyes that are meant for seeing things in the world of visuals.
“I see you like what you see.”
“What is it?”
“An hour glass.”
“What does it do?”
“All the sand falls into one area, flip it over and it tells you when one minute has passed.”
“But….if I keep flipping it over…I can live forever!!!!!”
“Um, yes, yes you can. That will be three thousand dollars.”
“I have two quarters.”
“Okay, that will do also.”
The shoeless man walks out from the store in which he had just not too long ago walked in and smacked his face down into dry mud and is now outside with an hourglass that grants him immortality because that is how an hourglass works if you don’t let the sand fall onto one side.
“Wait, Dan, didn’t these stories used to start off different? Like, we would say something and then you would be like, Well…”
So Hank was walking with no shoes and had an orange hat on that wasn’t orange. He would constantly wait for the hourglass to almost reach the bottom and then flip it over with a sigh of relief.
“Do you know who I am?”
“Of course I do…Nina!”
“No, I’m Gina.”
“Oh, well, hi.”
He jumps up into the air and flies until he needs to land because flying is tiring.
“Little wooden hourglass, why must you make so much work for me to be immortal? This is annoying having to keep tipping you.”
“Eh, because it’s fun.”
“Did you just talk?”
“Does this surprise you? A man can have wooden arms and a licorice tail and be able to fly and shoot lasers out of his mouth but an hourglass can’t talk?”
“Well, yea…a talking hour glass is just ridiculous.”
Just then the hourglass started to cry and the sand inside became moist and could no longer fall from the top to the bottom, thus causing time to stop, the world paused around Hank and the hourglass.
“Houry? What just happened?”
“My name isn’t Houry…it…is Gal!!!!!”
“Like as in girl?”
“Noooooo…nooo…it’s not…like…like as in…Galllllll…er…y…”
“Gallery? That’s a dumb name for an hourglass.”
“That is a perfectly fine name for an hourglass!”
“Whatever, man, I think it’s dumb.”
More tears fall from the non-existent eyes of the hourglass as it leaps from Hank’s hand and falls to the paused floor of the world. The tears harden on the outside of the glass and burst outward, forming arms, legs, a nose, one ear, no eyes, a hat, a scarf, slippers, jeans, a t-shirt, and a tie, some tattoos of rose’s on the left arm, really high socks with the stripes on the top, the stripes are supposed to be red, but are made out of tears, sooo…they aren’t red, just teary.
“Uhhh, what is happening?”
Without words the hourglass, now four feet tall punches Hank in the groin.
“OW, why didn’t you say something first? You just punched me in the splinter…”
“IT IS COLD OUT!”
“Not that cold.”
“Then why do you need a scarf?”
“It’s a fashion thing.”
“You look like someone vomited a closet of tears upon you.”
“Well, that was an unpleasant gesture of words.”
“Quite, indeed was such my intent.”
The hourglass punches Hank in the groin again. Hank falls over and while on the ground kicks the leg of the hourglass, but gets it stuck in the hard tearing leg stuff that it is made of, so Hank just shoots a laser beam out of his mouth and blows up the hourglass.
By Dan Leicht (D.e.e.L) May, 29, 2015
Follow Dan on Twitter @Deeliopunk
and Facebook Deeliopunk-Author
Now you can follow @HankSaga on Twitter!
Find all 60+ #HankSaga stories
Hank and Dan Movie Reviews
Find the original Hank’s Steel Hourglass post HERE (originally posted on tumblr)
Check out the NEW SITE DanLeicht.com
Wait…Hank writes POETRY?
The #HankSaga and all characters are creations of @Deeliopunk