#ClassicHankSaga Friday – Nina’s Second Trip Money (#HankSaga Story #15) By @Deeliopunk / @HankSaga

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You can also find this story on Wattpad! 


#ClassicHankSaga Friday – Nina’s Second Trip Money (#HankSaga Story #15) By @Deeliopunk / @HankSaga


“Dan!”

“….what, Nina…”

“I’m going on my second trip now!”

“But how? You gave your second trip money to Hank?”

“Ummm…that was a story you wrote…”

“Wait, I know how you got your second trip money!”

“What? How then, Dan?”

“Well…you went well out of your way to wonder about a way you could get your second trip money back that you used to pay Hank for the van you blew up by thinking your friendship powers were powerful enough to power the van whilst in the sky, but of course they weren’t so you devised a plan whilst wondering of a way to get your second trip money back that you had given to Hank so that he could buy a new van.

I was as I am most days, out fighting huge monsters made of assembled deer, but before that was occurring one of the deer had driven off with Hank’s van, Williamette, a.k.a – you dressed up as a deer in an effort to steal Hank’s van and sell it so that you could get the money back that you had given Hank because you blew up his van whilst wondering or perhaps even daydreaming that you were capable of having enough powers of friendship to power a van whilst in the air, whilst with Willy and whilst also with Eddy, until you told Eddy that his shirt was tacky and sent the van plummeting to certain unsurvivable doom that you all survived.

The junk yard, you pulled up in the junk yard yesterday around noonish, you saw there the man that works there and is most often seen there working while he is there. His name is Eddy, whom is whom I just spoke of whilst telling you of scenes from the past in the paragraph prior to this one as I am speaking to you in textual language in a matter that formulates the image of each word as if written upon paper as I speak them to your ears and you break them apart with your mind to conceive a story out of this simple and yet eloquent language known as English that I have heard is hard to learn, yet I speak it quite well and in relation to that fact I feel quite smart as I dabble about with jargging word play.

Eddy gave you some money for the Van, so now you’re in Rome.

“What? I’m in Rome now? But I’m standing right here…next to the touch screens that are across from the doorway without a door that leads to the bar area that may or may not have a slushy machine again yet.”

“No, you’re in Rome.”

So while in Rome because you are there having your second trip right now and not standing next to the touch screens that are across from the doorway without a door that leads to the bar area that may or may not have a slushy machine again yet you are in Rome.

You find an envelope by your feet as you exit the airport. It smells of cabbage and baked hair spray, but you put it in your bag anyway because you are odd and enjoy smelly envelopes. Inside the envelope you hear something, and then remember that you might still be trapped in the toaster that is not often used, maybe like, once a week, if that, because I still don’t believe that it gets used. So you’re in the toaster in Rome with an envelope in your hand and you are very old, like thirty something, and you have an itch on your hand but are afraid to scratch because you haven’t clipped your nails in a couple days and you tend to grow metal nails ever since that chemical spill accident you encountered at the perfume counter at the department store across from the food court at our local mall that is not fun to go to with women because they take forever and have no idea what they want to buy and you end up back at the store you started at just to get something that isn’t really needed but she thinks it is because it smells nice or looks okay, or its buy one expensive thing get another half off when you really only need either and yet two are purchased because she thinks she is saving money but really just got scammed into buying two paperclips instead of one because she only has one essay that needs to be paper clipped and not two because she has only written one and now you are walking away from the airport with the smelly envelope in your bag that you are going to add to your collection when you eventually get home and out of the toaster in Rome.

You notice Hank sitting at a table surrounded by women whilst watching a clown perform magic tricks without the use of a hat or any sticks on fire or metal rods or matches or metal rods. You walk over and say hello and he says hello without looking over to see that it is you because he is watching the clown perform whilst surrounded by women and drinking some tea that reminds him of the meadows he grew up in and the terrible day that robbed him of his arms and legs and forcing him to craft a new grasp of the world using only his teeth and laser beams and licorice tail, and he drinks the tea because it tastes nice. He made some for Eddy and Willy too, because they were both born with too many arms and liked the way his looked.

You sit down to watch the clown, but just as you do the clown steps backward into a portal by accident and is transported to the left and you don’t feel like turning your head so you miss the big diaphanously finish that was actually quite large and thickish. Hank turns his gaze towards you.

“You!?”

He says that to you out loud as you are sitting literally right next to him.

“Hi!”

You say that in that annoying way you say things when you speak.

“You!”

“Hi!”

“You! You! You! You! You! You! You! You! You! You! You! You!”

You highfive him for beating his previous usage of the word ‘you’ record. He stands up to accept his trophy of ‘you’ and his acceptance speech is quite beautiful and brings a tear to your unwilling eyes.

Hank then flies up into the air and belts down back to the ground with a hellish scream and eyes of no mercy and laser beams pelting the ground surrounding your feet as you pull the sword you had in your back and say ‘ow’.

A battle ensues, Hank before you and you finally looking to the left to see the clown eating a sandwich you assume contains steak and grape jelly. He burps a thunderous beam of red and heated light towards you, deflect it with your sword and sending it towards the clown to toast his sandwich, the clown thanks you and you wink at him, the clown blushes and giggles while he scorches his tongue with his newly excited meal that is placed in his badly burned hands.

Hank rushes towards you spouting beams of scorn from between his lips, each pierced with a word of distaste upon a past quarrel that resulted in half of his tail being chopped off with the very blade that now in this moment caresses your hands and the sweat of unknown future bleeds from your palms, your eyes focused, you vision soaking in hopeful agony, you see him running towards you and you let out a little bit of gas, but it’s okay because no one heard it, I don’t think.

‘Only act’ is what glides through your thoughts and into your blade. A swift slice crisping the air for less than a moment as a loud cry breaches from the inner dwellings of Hank. Red, the bedazzled color of both love and hell falls from face to asphalted ground. He looks at you and smerks a smerky smerk before elevating himself from the world we are all doomed to only walk whilst not within machines built by men simply corroding their lives each day to simply pay for food and shelter and beer.”

Off and away

While you stand stunned with you blade in your hand

You open the envelope that reeks, and Maria is in there

You say hi and then close it, make sure it is sealed

And put it in your back pocket before sitting down

You hear a faint ouch, a faint ouch before she starts to sing

All of the women and the clown stare at you

They all assume your butt is singing…

…Again.


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By Dan Leicht (D.e.e.L) May, 29,  2015

Follow Dan on Twitter @Deeliopunk

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Find all 60+ #HankSaga stories

Hank and Dan Movie Reviews

Find the original Nina’s Second Trip Money post HERE (originally posted on tumblr)

Check out the NEW SITE DanLeicht.com 


Wait…Hank writes POETRY?


The #HankSaga and all characters are creations of @Deeliopunk

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