Hank’s Dark Sky – (Story 19 in the Hank Saga) – By: D.e.e.L
Check out the original post for this story on tumblr
The sky was dark, the night cold, getting colder as the bright sun made everything really bright and warm. There were two turkeys pretending to be chickens, and two chickens pretending to be farmers. A man in the distance, eating grass and handfuls of dried corn.
“Hey! Hey you!”
Oh, it’s just a cow. A very odd looking cow…almost looks like a man wearing worn out jeans and a hat made of some sort of shirt material, or maybe that is his shirt, and he’s wearing a hat as sleeves, but it can’t be a man, men don’t moo…
“Got any more corn?!”
“Oh, I must be going crazy. Here cow, here’s some corn.”
“You’re welcome, cow. My name is Galbador, what’s yours?”
“Ha, of course, cows don’t talk.”
“Wait what? What was that?”
I must have offended the cow because once I said that it ran off into the distance, under the cold burning sun.
Wait! Is this story in past tense or present?
I’m not hungry.
What does that have to do with anything?
Hey buddy, I don’t know who you are, but if you want to talk to me you’re going to need some quotation marks.
Well what if I don’t want any?
“Then I’ll use them so people can tell the difference in who’s talking.”
“The people reading this story!”
People actually read these stories?
Did you just shooosh me?
“Is that what it’s called?
Is what what whats called?
“Shooshing. Sounds funny.”
Hahahaha, it does! Shooshing!
“Shoooo ooo oooo ooooo shiiiing.”
Yea, so anyway, people actually read these stories still?
“Of course! Last Monday like…3 or 4 people clicked on the link!”
Think they actually read it?
“They might have started off, and then were all like ‘what am I reading?!’ and then….read even more Hank stories!!!”
Are we getting off topic?
“Depends…what’s the topic of this story?”
I guess it’s about Hank having a Dark Sky.
“Whatever happened to all the people at Blue Spaghetti’s?”
Well Dan doesn’t work there anymore.
“Dan worked there?”
Well not actually there, but a place that sounded a lot like it.
“So where does he work now?”
A surgery center.
“Does he like it there?”
He doesn’t mind it. Gets a desk with a computer, feels kind of close to his dream job of being a writer…I mean…there’s a desk right?
“I guess, but does he use it to write?”
“No, he uses it to work.”
“Whoa, you can’t use quotation marks all of a sudden! People won’t know who’s talking!”
% Alright, alright fine, I won’t copy you. %
“You can’t use percent signs! That just doesn’t make any sense!”
$ Good point. $
“Ugh, whatever. Hey is that a cow!?”
$ Looks like…Hank! $
“But it Moos…”
$ Hey Hank! $
“Did that cow just say ‘Sup’?”
$ That’s not a cow, that’s Hank! $
“Oh Snap! Uhh…MOOO!”
“Psshh, don’t be silly, he’s mooing, that’s clearly a cow!”
$ This…this story…is just…not going anywheeeere… $
“Well, what do you think we should do?”
$ Oh gosh! It’s a spaceship with turkeys flying it and they want to take over the world! $
“The sky is getting dark! MOO Save us!”
$ Moo jumps up onto the spaceship, that’s like, thirty feet up in the air, but he was wearing his expensive basketball shoes that he wears everywhere but on an actual basketball court because he doesn’t want to get them all scuffed up. Moo grabs the hatch that leads into the spaceship and rips it off, then, jumps inside, then, the turkeys tell him to stop because he is shaking the ship, then, he doesn’t stop and the ship starts rocking, then, the ship crashes to the ground and explodes. But Moo is a good guy now for some reason and comes running out of the explosion all awesome like while holding the turkeys in his arms. He drops them all off on the farm before looking to the sky, opening his mouth, and shooting a laser beam into the sky to clear up all the darkness. $
“That was pretty good. It sure is a good thing that Moo was here. And now I got a few more chickens on my farm!”
“My name’s Hank.”
“Oh Moo, silly as always. Well goodbye folks!”
$ Who are you waving at? $
“The uhh, the folks. The people that read this story.”
$ you honestly think anyone made it through this entire story? $
“Well, yea, I’d hope so.”
$ Really? We should do something special for those people then. $
“Like what they do in the movies? A bonus scene?”
$ Yeaaa….i got it! $
“You mean ‘I’.”
$ What? $
“You forgot to capitalize the ‘I’.”
$ How could you tell? $
“I’ve been reading the story, just like those three to four people out there that read the last one.”
$ Oooh, I see them. That sure is an ugly sweater that guy has on. $
“That’s a woman…”
$ Ohhh…umm…sorry ma’am…that’s a beautiful mustache…it ummm…matches your beard. $
$ What was that? $
“I don’t know, an emoticon thing, all the kids are doing it these days.”
$ When you say theeese days…you mean…like five years ago? $
“Psshh, no, it’s still cool.”
$ Whoa! $
$ Shhh…just…just keep your words limited…we’re reaching the end of the page and we haven’t done a bonus scene yet. $
“Limited? You just said a whole bunch of words! And so what? We can just go to the next page anyway.”
$ No…there are only three pieces of paper left…and Dan has to print this story…$
“Oh man….i had no idea…”
$ It’s ‘I’. $
By Dan Leicht (D.e.e.L) July 31, 2015
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— The #HankSaga (@HankSaga) July 31, 2015
Wait…Hank writes POETRY?
The #HankSaga and all characters are creations of @Deeliopunk