“Dan, what’s this icon up here?”
“It’s supposed to connect to my instagram account.”
“Are you telling me people weren’t eating graham crackers fast enough and so someone invented a faster way to eat them?”
“If anything it slows the graham cracker eating process down. It makes you take a picture of the meal before consuming it.”
“Who wants to look at a bunch of pictures of food?”
“Hmm, well according to your instagram you have a poor diet and read a lot.”
“I eat a lot of apples, I just don’t post them on there.”
“Well how am I supposed to know that unless you tell us through pictures, Dan? You’d better start including some pictures of the healthy stuff you’re eating.”
“I’ll post a picture of an apple next time I have one.”
“I hope it appears on there soon, Dan…”
The Adventures of Hank and Rupert 5
By Dan Leicht (@Deeliopunk)
#HankSaga Story 64
Last we left our heroes Rupert abandoned Hank in order to get a seat at Armpit Cafe. Hank was left all alone with the large goat monster named Carl as the beast came to a devastating realization…he’s adopted!
“The drama!” shouts Hank as he flies up into the sky and tries to wrap his mind around the recent events and realizations. “I’m adopted?!”
“What? No! I’m adopted!” yells Carl the goat monster. “We’re talking about me right now. I need your support right now, man.”
“Okay. Do you want to build a rocket ship together? Or we could play catch. Would you like that?”
“I don’t need you to be my dad. I just need someone to talk to about this.”
“Okay, let me go and find Rupert. He’s better at this kind of stuff than I am.”
“That huge dragon? That’s ridiculous.”
“But…you’re a goat monster that used to be a raccoon who is also a pizza delivery guy and was adopted by a raccoon and a pelican.”
“You have a point. Care to explain why you can fly?”
“Not sure yet. We should do a ‘Hank: Origins’ series after this ‘The Adventures of Hank and Rupert’ thing ends.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh, you’ll see…”
“Did you just wink?”
“Maybe. Wait, have you seen the narrator anywhere? I feel like this whole story has just been us talking. Let’s get some narration up in this piece!”
Just then the charismatic narrator returned from eating his burrito bowl – half and half chicken and ground beef, brown rice, black beans, grilled onions and green peppers, mushrooms, guacamole and sour cream, lettuce, tomato, salsa, bacon bits, fresh jalapeño, and chipotle ranch dressing over the whole thing.
“What was that, narrator?”
“Who are you taking to right now?”
“This narrator to this story.”
The narrator tries to think of a good excuse but instead decides it’s close enough to dinner and another burrito bowl needs to be purchased and consumed.
Did Rupert ever get a seat at the Armpit Cafe?! How many burrito bowls does the narrator eat in a single day?! Why is the narrator talking in the third person?! Did this story make any sense?!
By Dan Leicht (D.e.e.L)
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The #HankSaga and all characters are creations of @Deeliopunk